1. Frequent, way too frequent wall updates:
Sure we like to know what’s on your mind. Sure we like to know what videos you’re watching on YouTube or which news items you read this morning. But we hate it when you share so many of them, after every few minutes or so. We have other friends too, you know. And we most certainly want to see their updates as well.
We hate it when a certain status update of a certain friend got lost in the midst of your many updates, and by the time we finally got the time to log in it’s no longer visible in our home feed. Don’t use Facebook like you’re the only one with a life. I’m sure you have the whole day to spend on Facebook; go comment on something, or maybe actually get a life, just don’t leave your crap everywhere.
2. Dude, that’s not me in the pic, that’s a freaking monkey with a hat.
Yes we hate this too. Tagging all of your friends in a picture may be the perfect way to get them to see the pic. But you should know – not all of us like it. Well if it’s the picture of a monkey doing a moon-walk, that would have been funny as hell. Still, I’d untag myself after seeing the pic.
But when it’s some random picture you take from some random website, that you have no right to upload to Facebook in the first place, and it’s nowhere close to being funny or interesting, stop tagging. If you do tag, tag only those friends who you know love being tagged in such pics (if indeed you have such friends). But first of all, stop uploading pictures you have no right to.
And tagging me in that naked picture of yours won’t work either.
3. “I just voted you my No.1 friend on Facebook. Click here to vote me back.”
Dream on. I’ll never vote you as my No.1 friend when I don’t even know you, not that I ever rate my friends. Some of us have this insane addiction to silly applications that lets you post silly promotional posts to your friends. If you’re one of such, I think it’s time to go to rehab. Please stop posting silly ‘things’ on my wall and stop using such silly apps for that matter.
“Mark Dick just wrote something about you. Click here to read it.”
You’d be a fool to click on such links. Go ahead, click on the above link if you don’t believe me. If Mr. Dick wanted to write something about you, he’d have written it on your wall or send you a message. Why would he use an app to tell you?
4. Being selfish will only land you in this post.
That’s right. If you’re selfish on Facebook, I’m writing about you right now. Everyone likes it when their photos have been commented on or when someone posts on their wall. There are some people who, despite having lots of people commenting on their pics, never comment on their friends’. That is just plain cold rude.
A common excuse is ‘I have thousands of friends, I don’t have time for all of them.’, which is true. But not all of your friends comment on your pics either. There are some friends that comment more than the others. Giving back to such friends, at least, is your duty. Comment on them, even if it’s just to say ‘hey, nice pic!‘.
5. You don’t need a management degree to organize your photos.
And you don’t have to be a genius to figure out how to create photo albums on Facebook. Uploading all 20 photos of yesterday’s picnic one at a time to your Wall is just not the way to go about. It clogs up the entire home feed of all your friends. There’s a reason the good people at Facebook created the ‘Create A New Album’ feature.
6. Using incorrect English or alternating uppercase and lowercase letters doesn’t make you cool.
Writing ‘Happie birthdae to ew’ or ‘hAvE a bLaSt!’ is no way to wish your friend on his/her birthday. If anything, you’re only annoying him/her. You don’t have to be an English major to be able to correctly write ‘Happy birthday to you’ or ‘Have a blast!’.
7. Stop creating a thousand profiles. Seriously, are you that forgetful?
Unless you’re suffering from Multiple Personality Disorder, create one profile and use it forever. Getting friend requests from the same person over and over is just annoying. Use a password that you can remember – try something like ‘forgetful’, that should be easy to remember seeing as how it is the perfect description of you.
Either way, there’s no reason to create three or four profiles with the same name as you can always recover your lost password. Why, did you forget the password to your email accounts as well? Jesus man, get a brain surgery or something!
8. If you’re lazy, we’re lazier.
Okay. So you went on a hiking trip last weekend. Good for you. Now, what to do with all these photos you took while on the trip? Oh great, there’s a Facebook photo uploader plugin that lets you upload all your photos in bulk? How convenient. 137 new photos, all uploaded. Now for the comments to roll in, how exciting!
Screw you man. I have no time to view 137 photos, especially if it includes pictures of the setting sun or snow-clad mountains at dawn that you’ve shot. I’ve seen a thousand such pictures shot by the world’s best photographers. I’d rather go take a nap, though I don’t really need it, than waste my time browsing through, let alone comment on, pictures of a frog, or your nose, or the hills taken from a moving vehicle, or your friend’s hair accidentally taken, or your fingers which block the shot you intend to take because your fingers are so freaking large. For Pete’s sake, at least take the time to delete such pictures!
If you’re too lazy to sort out the good photos from the bad photos, we’re lazier – 137 new photos? I’d rather not view any.
9. Don’t chat with me. I hate you.
So far as Facebook Chat is concerned, if you’re having fluctuations in network connectivity or poor internet connection speed, do the world a favor and stay offline. Don’t try so hard to chat. It’s annoying, to the person you’re chatting with and to you as well.
Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. Any time of day, I have at least 50 of my friends online. What disgusts me is the fact as in how everyone seems to want to talk to you so much over Facebook when they hardly ever talk to you in the real world. Unless it’s important or someone is a close friend of yours or you know he/she likes to uselessly chat, don’t chat with him/her; you’ll only end up irritating them.
I hate chatting with strangers (who send you friend requests I don’t know why). The conversations almost always go like this:
Me: Hi there. How’s it going?
Stranger: good..where u from? (In the real world, do you go straight up to a guy and ask him where he’s from?)
Me: Oh I’m from $$$$$$. What about you? (I never really care where he’s from. I’m being polite.)
(There’s a pause)
I so hope this is the end of the conversation.
Stranger: u working or studying?
Me: Studying. Hey man, I gotta go. My friend just committed suicide. I have to attend to him. (Use any excuse to end the conversation.)
10. Stop inviting me to join your Mafia.
Just because you love something doesn’t mean your friends will. Sure you can send an invitation at the start. But 6 months later, you know I still haven’t joined. That’s got to tell you something. Or maybe have a look at my status update saying: Stop inviting me to play Mafia Wars, FarmVille or any other games for that matter! Please invite only those friends of yours who you know actually do play such games.
So far as Pages and Groups are concerned, it’s perfectly okay to send invitations and suggestions as this is a healthy way of promoting one’s or others’ business/interests without really annoying someone. Besides, you cannot send multiple invitations anyway. So cheers!
But don’t invite me to attend an Event with a title that goes: Cake Baking at Gracie’s, London when you know I don’t live in London.